Crocheting Without A Destination...

"It is good to have an end to journey toward;

but it is the journey that matters, in the end."

~ Ursula Le Guin ~

This journey that I am on with crochet has become both a very poignant, and important time, and is also teaching me, once again, about the healing power of art. You see, my mother's long battle with cancer is catching up with her, she has lost her sight, her valiant spirit has collapsed, and she is depressed in the way where nothing you say helps, and she is, in her way, past helping, gone deep inside herself, on a journey she must travel alone, no matter how many loved ones are around her. A devout Catholic she says she can no longer pray. To hear her say that knocked the wind out of me, but I stay up for her, and then I fall into tears and the bottom falls out from under me.

What is most interesting to me is that I began to crochet a couple of weeks ago right before this fast downward slide began and now I am crocheting as if to hold on to reality, hold something tangible in my hands, and as I crochet round and round my body relaxes, my breathing is regulated, and for a time my depression lifts. The art of crochet is a life source for me just now, and Le Guin's quote is so pertinent... it's not the end that matters, but the journey. I am crocheting without a destination. And this is exactly what I should be doing.

I have thought of things it might become, but already I know I will just keep going and going and going and heavenly days, it could end up a bedspread before it's all over! It really doesn't matter. I just need to keep going. Round and round, hook and yarn and hands moving to some internal rhythm and it really is about the doing of it, not whatever thing it might become.

I have always worked intuitively, and often been surprised where I ended up, but I at least had an inkling when I started where I was headed and simply followed the Muse that was taking me there. Now, this time, I am crocheting as if crocheting itself was all that mattered, not what I am making, not where I am headed, I simply need to hold this piece in my hands and continue to work in new colors and try new stitches and create new little patterns along the way. And there is a kind of freedom in this the likes of which I have never known.

I took a picture earlier with the scanner but had to scrunch the piece up and it was not a good picture. I laid it out on a pillow and took the above picture and you can see it much better. Also, I am playing with photography. Neither the scanner, nor my good camera, seem to capture the latest color. It looks red. It is really a hot pink. So right now I am not just learning about crochet, I am learning how to capture colors that are true to themselves. And through the crochet and the photography I am learning to be true to myself as well. Who knew that when I started this journey into crochet it would become the thing that would keep me centered through one of the hardest times in my life, but so it has.

Listen to your art. It knows better, very often, what we need and how to take us there than we can possibly grasp in the moment. It is our subconscious mind working out it's puzzles and problems and pain with the medium at hand. Once upon a time it was weaving for me, and I still love to weave, but it took something, just now, that was brand new and required a lot of time and attention to do it at all, and in this way it is pulling me through these dark woods as nothing else seems able to. I am deeply grateful, and I shall continue. You will see not only the outcome of the crocheted piece along the way, but an artist growing and deepening within herself. And it the end that is the most important thing of all.

Deep Blessings to one and all. Listen to your heart and let your art take you by the hand and lead you on your way...

Maitri